I recently attended a Tony Robbins conference which was on my bucket list. He’s insane and I’m addicted to him but I won’t regurgitate all of the conference. But there was something he said that blew my mind. He talked about having high-self esteem means you have higher standards for yourself.

It was a very freeing thing to hear.

I’ve been told many times by co-workers, lovers and friends that my standards are “too high” or I’m exhausting because I always want it to be “better.” It does cause me to doubt myself sometimes.

But after listening to Tony talk about it, I realized that there’s a difference between having high standards for yourself, and judging others. Or wanting a better standard of life, but not having expectations on the exact details.

So, here’s my note for the Universe – there “ain’t” (I do come from the South) no standard high enough. Give me all I need, dear Universe, to create a life to the standard I desire.

We are meant to live our life to the highest standard we desire and I will no longer accept less than a standard I allow myself to accept. Do you feel the same?

I have journaled about this the last few weeks – what standard is the base line of what I will accept when it comes to relationships, love, career, intimacy, finances – and what is the standard I desire? It’s not ok with me to simply be “good” or even “great.” I want my life to be EXTRAordinary. I want a MAGICAL existence.

And you can’t get to that if you accept a lower quality of life.

When I think about the times in my life that I didn’t allow a high standard, I can recall the pain it brought too. When I allowed myself to date a man who was verbally abusive, I allowed that to be the level of intimacy I received. When I accepted being severely underpaid for a key consulting job where I wasn’t paid for months (and still haven’t been), I set a low standard for attracting finances. When I accepted a Chef that could cook well but who I knew didn’t have the integrity I desire, I allowed a difficult situation to unfold. In these situations, I accepted lower standards. And it caused suffering. And let’s be clear – this isn’t about anyone else. This was about ME not allowing myself to live to a better standard in these areas.

I’ve come to recognize that having high standards, is part of my drive. It fuels my passion. Yes, it can be exhausting for me and for others, but I think that’s also the natural growth in life. Everytime we get to a place and realize we’ve set a new standard that we’ve been desiring…we then automatically think of “more” or a higher standard to attain. Why shouldn’t we have the level of intimacy, love and deep spiritual connection in a partner in the way I want? Why shouldn’t we all have the financial freedom we so desire? Why shouldn’t we be healhy & strong & nourished? Why shouldn’t our living conditions be the most peaceful and safe spaces we desire? Why shouldn’t we have a career that’s on our terms? And the beautiful thing is that my high standard is different to the next person. So there’s enough in this wonderful world for us all to have all that we desire, at the HIGHEST standards we desire!

So when someone says to me: “Your standards are too high” I turn and say: “Damn straight they are, I care enough about myself to have extraordinary standards because I want an extraordinary life.” Boom.